How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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