I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
