god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
