so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
