I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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