u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
