she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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