i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
