My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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