Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
