I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
