If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
