I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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