I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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