Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
