So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
