drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize