Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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