Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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