Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize