She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
