Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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