don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's the barista slut.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize