Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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