there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
