I got chris browned last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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