Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
