How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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