dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
