Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
