Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize