Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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