Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
