She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize