You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
