if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize