I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
