i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
