Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
