I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
