Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
