Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
