i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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