I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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