Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
