Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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