Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
