I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
