Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize