My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
