you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
why is half of my head shaved?
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