Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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