dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
