I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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