making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
