dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
