There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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