So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
