the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
