yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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