Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
