I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
