I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize