Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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