I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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