did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize