The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
