pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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