so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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