i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize