hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
