I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
