Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
